How I met my Guru

This is a piece I wrote for Dawn of a New Consciousness, a book about Sri Hans Raj Maharaji (my Guru's Guru) and the Sachcha spiritual lineage. It appears in a chapter dedicated to Prem Baba which includes stories from his disciples.


One day, in January 2008, I decided that I didn't need a Guru.

I had read many spiritual books, I had heard a lot of different teachings, and I felt overwhelmed and confused by it all. Having been practicing Kundalini Yoga for a few years, I decided that day that I would just stick to that and not seek out a Guru. Instead, I would let Life be my Guide. As soon as I made that decision, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt light and free.

Two days later, I met Prem Baba.

I was staying Rishikesh at the time, and some friends persuaded me to attend his satsang at Sachcha Dham Ashram. I was reluctant because the last thing I wanted was to hear another spiritual teaching, but I ended up going with them anyway. I sat all the way in the back of the room, out of Prem Baba's sight, and listened to him speak. I have no recollection of what he spoke about that day, but I do remember that as I sat there, I felt loved by him. There were no fireworks in my heart or anything like that, and I didn't instantly recognize him as my Guru; I just simply, inexplicably, felt loved.
And then I got a big headache. I felt so awful that I curled up on the floor, and a kind woman that I'd never met before started to rub my feet.
When I walked out of the room after the end of satsang, my headache instantly dissolved and I knew, deep inside, that Prem Baba had already started to work on me, whether I wanted it or not. All I could think was, "He got me."

A couple of days later, again encouraged my my friends, I attended another satsang, and then another, and another, until soon I was going every day.
One evening I was in my room having an emotional crisis for a reason I can't remember now. The aching and grief inside of me was unbearable, and I was desperate for a way out. Not knowing what else to do, I cried out to Prem Baba: "Please help me, please help me, please help me..." Eventually, I fell asleep.

The next morning I sat in the satsang hall, singing along to the beautiful Sanskrit bhajans. I was accustomed to chanting different mantras in my Kundalini Yoga practice, most of them in the Gurmukhi language; but the ones I'd heard so far in Prem Baba's satsang were all in Sanskrit.
As I sat there with my eyes closed, one bhajan ended and another began. I listened for the words and was astonished to recognize the mantra "Ong Namo Gurudev Namo" which is the one we use to begin every Kundalini Yoga class. I could hardly believe my ears.
I opened my eyes and looked over at Prem Baba, who was meditating peacefully. And right then I knew: this was for me. Prem Baba was telling me: "I heard your cry for help. You are welcome here. I know you and I accept you as you are. There is no contradiction between what I teach and the path you've been following so far."
Later, during the bhajans at the end of satsang, we sang "Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru", which is the Gurumantra of the Kundalini Yoga tradition. Again, I could hardly believe my ears. I'd never heard any Kundalini Yoga mantras in Prem Baba's satsang before, and suddenly I was hearing two on the same day. I knew this was a message specially addressed to me, and I felt comforted and accepted.
   
A few days later, during another satsang, I looked over at Prem Baba and fell completely, madly, head-over-heels in love with him. I knew in every cell of my being that he was the One, that I could trust him, that he would always have my best interest at heart, and that he would take me all the way to the end of the Path.
   
Since then, month after month and year after year, I have watched myself and many others in the sangha bloom like flowers. Faces ever more radiant, eyes shinier and shinier; with Prem Baba's love and care the sangha grows more beautiful with each passing day. For many of us, myself included, the transformation has been nothing short of miraculous.

Today, my heart is filled with more love, more devotion, more gratitude and more happiness than ever before. Prem Baba shows me how to love every morsel of this beautiful Life and that there is nothing to fear. He teaches me to be both powerful and humble, to be able to both give and receive. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have Prem Baba in my life.
   
And here I thought I didn't need a Guru...